Navigating the Therapeutic Relationship when Relapsing
From experiences on both sides of the couch I can confidently say that it can be hard to not hate your therapist when you are relapsing in your eating disorder.
If your therapist is doing the job you have entrusted them with (IE: protecting you, your body, and your life), they are going to challenge your eating disorder; and when you are relapsing, that often feels like a personal attack, not a partnership for health.
If you are feeling this divide in your relationship with your therapist, here are some tips to navigate this time effectively:
1 – Share this experience with your therapist.
Chances are that you are not the first person that has expressed anger towards your therapist during their relapse. As a therapist, we have experience and training on how to align with YOU, work through your anger, and keep our position against your eating disorder ALL AT THE SAME TIME. When you are able and willing to articulate the anger or hate you are experiencing towards us, fo coming against your eating disorder, you open a door for us to partner with the pieces of YOU that want recovery and life. It is much easier to repair what is known – so quit engaging in this “secret fight” and lay it out in the open.
2 – Remain honest about behaviors
Honesty is a large part of a trusting relationship; and it goes both ways. I will remain honest with you about my recommendations, concerns, hopes, and goals for you through your relapse. I need you to remain honest about what behaviors you are engaging in and the extent to which they are impacting your life. Honesty keeps trust between you and me, while allowing me (or your therapist) the ability to make appropriate recommendations and interventions that protect YOU. Remember – it’s the eating disorder that hates your therapist when relapsing – not you.
3 – Keep showing up and doing the work
The eating disorder’s hate and anger is coming from a place of protecting itself – so don’t be surprised when it is telling you to run away, leave, no show, avoid, stonewall, or fire us. It feels attacked and wants to survive. YOU and I do not want it to survive. Your second biggest weapon when relapsing (honesty being your biggest) is to keep showing up, keep engaging in the conversation, keep doing the hard work being asked of you, and following through on treatment recommendations. Over time, your eating disorder will quiet down and you will be grateful to YOURSELF for showing up and protecting YOU.
!*!*! BONUS ON BUILDING SELF-TRUST RIGHT HERE!*!*!
Are you ready to break your alignment with the eating disorder?
Reach out or book a session!
Melinda Lericos, LPC is a licensed therapist in the state of Kansas specializing in eating disorders, complex and attachment trauma. Melinda practices with a Body Trust, Health at Every Size, and IFS lens while incorporating behavioral strategies, body integration, and mindfulness techniques. She has experience at several different levels of care for eating disorder treatment and now practices in an outpatient, private practice setting.