Building Trust in Yourself: GENEROUSITY
“What does it mean to trust myself?”
“Everyone keeps telling me to trust myself, how?”
I want to take some time in my blog to explore deeper Brene’s elements of trust, and what that means in building (or re-building) trust in ourselves. If you have not heard of her elements of trust, check out my previous blog that overviews each piece.
If we were playing a word game, and it was my role to have you guess “money” I might say “generosity”. It is a sad, yet common, association: I am a generous person when I give of my money. However, one of the webster definitions of Generosity is the ‘quality of the heart or mind.’ This is where we need to start when we look at using generosity to build up trust in ourselves.
Consider how often, today alone, you have made a non-generous about yourself. “I’m so dumb for forgetting the notebook” “I’m a terrible friend for not texting you back” “I can’t believe how lazy I can be some days” “My kid didn’t finish his science project, I am the worst mother” Do those voices sound familiar? If you are reading this, I am assuming YES is the answer.
What might happen, if we were to bring into context every factor of our current reality, not base our character ( ‘I am’ statements) on our short-comings, and offer to ourselves a more generous assumption. For example what if “I’m a terrible person for not texting you back” was actually “I have had many obligations this week that have required my attention and sadly that means I forgot to respond to some texts from people I truly care about”.
When we consistently shame ourselves, define ourselves, based on actions, without context, without generosity and grace, how are we ever going to trust ourselves? If I am “lazy” because I didn’t fold that last load of laundry the moment the dryer buzzed how can I expect trust in myself to follow through on a task that requires more of me.
Start simply, notice where you are not being generous. Then, start adjusting your language to yourself.